Aliens (Perhaps Illegal) Taken Up Residence In Rockaway

We understand that a local property owner recently began renovations to a cabin in Rockaway Beach. Upon arriving on site he was startled to notice a face peering at him from a window of the supposedly vacant building. We asked if this was normal. His response was; "It's not too out of the ordinary to find people staying where they are not supposed to be, but this was a little 'out of the ordinary'". He went on to say, "I think they were illegal aliens".

Of course, the idea of illegal aliens carries all sorts of implications with it. Not the least of which is the legalities and acceptance/rejection of people groups and circumstances surrounding the situation. The property owner, however, stated that he didn't think we understood the situation and we, being modestly offended, asked for an explanation! He went on to say that "I don't think they are from around here!" Obviously, that's the nature of aliens. But not to be dissuaded, he added "No, they're not from anywhere near here, or even this planet!" …….. Our reporters thought that was a little cold and uncaring. However, he then produced photographic evidence of the perpetrators and then our opinions changed.

Going back to last year, we knew there were sightings of Strange Green Lights in the water of suspicious origin surrounding some of the local boat docks. There were also reports of Ancient Alien Skulls washing out of Bull Creek after heavy rains. But this is the first report of Aliens actually attempting to take up residence on our fair community. The sort of thing that simply cannot be ignored.

Wild Willy

In an attempt to get to the bottom of this story as quickly as possible, We have contacted Wild Willy to get his expert opinion on whether these aliens might be of a local variety or perhaps an illegal and human abduction variety before proceeding any further with contact. However, our property owner declared that after being seen by them when he took their picture, they seem to have vanished. Naturally this can only mean one of two things. Either they we frightened off by their exposure or they have simply relocated to some other vacant building around town. In either case, the town will not be completely safe until the whereabouts of these unwelcome guests are discovered.

We will update this report as soon as we have more information to share!

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