Aliens (Perhaps Illegal) Taken Up Residence In Rockaway

We understand that a local property owner recently began renovations to a cabin in Rockaway Beach. Upon arriving on site he was startled to notice a face peering at him from a window of the supposedly vacant building. We asked if this was normal. His response was; "It's not too out of the ordinary to find people staying where they are not supposed to be, but this was a little 'out of the ordinary'". He went on to say, "I think they were illegal aliens".

Of course, the idea of illegal aliens carries all sorts of implications with it. Not the least of which is the legalities and acceptance/rejection of people groups and circumstances surrounding the situation. The property owner, however, stated that he didn't think we understood the situation and we, being modestly offended, asked for an explanation! He went on to say that "I don't think they are from around here!" Obviously, that's the nature of aliens. But not to be dissuaded, he added "No, they're not from anywhere near here, or even this planet!" …….. Our reporters thought that was a little cold and uncaring. However, he then produced photographic evidence of the perpetrators and then our opinions changed.

Going back to last year, we knew there were sightings of Strange Green Lights in the water of suspicious origin surrounding some of the local boat docks. There were also reports of Ancient Alien Skulls washing out of Bull Creek after heavy rains. But this is the first report of Aliens actually attempting to take up residence on our fair community. The sort of thing that simply cannot be ignored.

Wild Willy

In an attempt to get to the bottom of this story as quickly as possible, We have contacted Wild Willy to get his expert opinion on whether these aliens might be of a local variety or perhaps an illegal and human abduction variety before proceeding any further with contact. However, our property owner declared that after being seen by them when he took their picture, they seem to have vanished. Naturally this can only mean one of two things. Either they we frightened off by their exposure or they have simply relocated to some other vacant building around town. In either case, the town will not be completely safe until the whereabouts of these unwelcome guests are discovered.

We will update this report as soon as we have more information to share!

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I Went Fishing With The Ghost of Al Capone

While the Taney County Historical Society admits there is no evidence that Al Capone visited or stayed in Rockaway Beach, his ghost has been seen cruising Lake Taneycomo at dusk in his 1928 26' Chris Craft. I met local resident Monica one evening at the Fishing Island as she leaned on the railing and stared out over the water.  Her look was one of longing which alerted me to a story that needed to be told.

I approached her cautiously, not wanting to interrupt her longing.  I cleared my throat to get her attention.  She turned and stared at me.  “I have never told this story before,” she said. “I appreciate you being willing to write it down, so people will understand my longing.”

As I took out my notebook and recorder, I motioned for her to continue.  “It was 1993, at the beginning of the Clinton Administration.  I remember it well.  There was a certain optimism in the country that could not be denied.  I used to come down to the Island here to watch the boats go by at dusk.  It is peaceful and a good time of day to unburden the soul.”

An Under-exposed photo of Al Capone's Ghost

“I was watching the lake and observed a wooden boat coming toward me.  I had seen it before, across the lake, but this was different.  The pilot waved and asked if I wanted a ride. It was just one of those nights –I said sure, and climbed into the boat.  I said my name is Monica, what’s yours?  He replied, Al, and said ‘I am like any other man. All I do is supply a demand.’  The optimism of the times blinded me to the obvious at the time:  that was a famous quote of the Chicago gangster Al Capone!”

Al Capones boat

"He started talking about his boat, a 1928 26' Chris Craft Triple Cockpit with a Convertible Top, and how he came to be in Rockaway Beach.  ‘This boat is a beauty, isn’t it?  I had it brought in my cover of night back in 1928, and it has been sheltered every night since." While the storage location of the boat is lost to time, It can still be seen some foggy nights motoring past the Island in Rockaway Beach. Al continued; "Back in the late 20’s Rockaway Beach was a place I could get away from all the racket, know what I mean.’  I pretended I didn’t, and he went on, ‘My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay that way.’  I know now that that was another one of his famous quotes.” 

“As we headed east down the lake he pointed out an old cabin with a rock foundation on the south side of the lake. ‘I sent my lieutenant down here one weekend to buy that place right there,’ he said.  I never owned anything in my own name; it is really hard for the government to take it from you if you don’t own it!’  That foundation can still be seen today if you know where to look.” 

“Once we got past Silver Creek Al hugged the south shore of the lake and slowed almost to a stop.  He reached into the hold and brought out two rods, handing me one of them.  ‘here,’ he said.  ‘fish with me for a spell.  It has been twenty-five years since I have had such a pretty fishing partner.’  Of course, I was flattered and took the pole.  We sat there and fished for about two hours, watching the moon and stars come out and ducking as other boats went by.”

Wild Willie Explains The Ghost of Al Capone

“About midnight he started the boat up again and headed back up the lake to Rainbow Haven Resort.  He told me that it was the only place on this part of the lake he could fill up his boat, no questions asked.  He pulled up to the pump at the dock, and blew his air horn for service.  The owner came down and started to pump gas.”

“I turned to Al and told him what a nice time I had had.  He said the pleasure was all his.  It was at this point that I realized, I needed a picture!  I asked Al if I could take his picture, and he said sure, just let me comb back my hair.  I got out of the boat and ran to my car to get my Instamatic.  When I got back to the boat, I climbed back in, handed the camera to the dock owner, and asked him to please make the picture good.  He took four pictures, but fussed that the flash didn’t seem to be bright enough. We laughed about it at the time, but I wish I had listened to him about the flash!”

“The next day I went to Branson to the One Hour Photo Shop and turned in my pack of film.  You know I was very anxious about getting that one picture that would prove that I had actually fished with Al Capone.  However, when I picked up my pictures, all four were under-exposed.  There was no image at all on the snapshots!  Here I had spent an amazing evening fishing with one of Rockaway’s most infamous visitors, and I had only my memories of the night, which makes it very difficult to prove anything at all happened.”

She turned to me at this point in the story and sighed.  “It was a simple case of the spirit being willing, but the flash was weak.”

copyright Willis Montgomery 2018

The Ghost of Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Rampages in Rockaway Beach

Mrs. Catherine O'Leary's Ghost Cow

The term "Rampage" may not actually be the best term for use in this story, but as it relates to cows in general, "rampage" does kind of fit. As ghosts are concerned, you have to have elevated yourself to some very special infamous behavior to receive a ghost distinction as a cow! Few cows in history have managed to do so, but one has far surpassed all criteria necessary for it's Ghost status. Such is the case of Mrs. Catherine O'Leary's cow, famous for burning down most of Chicago in October of 1871. According to history, over 2,100 acres of Chicago burned destroying over 17,000 buildings. This is an impressive tale of destruction for anyone but especially impressive for a cow! In every case since the 1871 Chicago fire, any fire of suspicious nature has the potential connection to Mrs. O'Leary's cow. At least, this is the official position of the CPBA (Commission on Paranormal Bovine Activity) According to the CPBA, fires that have no reasonable explanation, or cannot be linked to a specific cause, become candidates for the designation of "O'Leary Cow Phenomenon".

Wild Willie

Ghost Cow Video

According to the CPBA report (which is highly confidential and not available to the general public) one, or possibly more structure fires in Rockaway Beach have been potentially linked to the Ghost Cow from Chicago. Why a cow would even be interested in Rockaway Beach is questionable. The only explanation the CPBA could offer was the history and propensity of the community to engage in the odd riot from time to time. They believe the cow had caught wind of the burning of either a police vehicle or part of a building back in the sixties (or perhaps the fifties) that the authenticity of which could not be verified. It seemed to stand to reason that this mysterious story of alleged riots and fires could easily be enough to motivate the ghost of a pyromaniac cow to travel to Rockaway Beach to establish some precedence where none seemed to currently exist. Wild Willie and his side kick  went out to see if they could locate the cow. You can watch a video of his account of it.

Alleged Ghost Cow Fire Site

The fires in question occurred over the past five years on Garden Ave and another on Highland. While investigations have determined no definitive cause for the fires, the CPBA has certified both incidents as official "O'Leary Cow Phenomenon" sites. This distinction alone carries with it certain historical significance. Within days of the designation, the sites were targeted by the local Society for the Preservation of Virtually Everything, Important or Not. (SPVEIN for short) They have vowed to get the sites registered with the National Registry of Historic Paranormal Locations and Events (NRHPLE) By linking the Chicago fire of 1871 to the Rockaway Fire of 2014, they believe that a Historic Ghost tour is plausible. This would no doubt bring Ghost Cow enthusiasts to the community to view what the aftermath of the 1871 Chicago fire may have looked like when mad cows get involved. The SPVEIN is dedicated to the preservation of these important landmarks and has vowed to keep them intact for future generations to enjoy.

As far as the Ghost Cow herself is concerned, nothing more has been seen of her, at least to anyone's knowledge. However it would not hurt to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity concerning anything that resembles a cow or that moo's.

Adbuction (and Return) reported in Rockaway Beach

With all of the activity being reported around town concerning "Ancient Alien Skulls", "Eerie Green Lights" glowing under the lake water and such, it was inevitable that sooner or later there would be reports of mysterious abductions. Our staff of top notch reporters have been investigating one such case that occurred during November of this year. Evidently what happened is a local couple, business owners in Rockaway Beach, mysteriously went missing early in the month. It was a few days before their absence was detected. But then, just as suddenly as they disappeared, they reappeared looking none the worse for wear, but oddly calm and relaxed.

Upon interviewing the two, they relayed a fascinating story of travel to far away and exotic locations. "It began with a ride in a flying vehicle of some kind. We really didn't see the outside of it, only the inside. They ride was not necessarily uncomfortable but I wouldn't want to repeat it any time soon." the business owner said (who wished to remain anonymous) His wife went on to say that "We seemed to be heading in a mostly east but somewhat south direction" She went on to add that "Thoughts of the Bermuda Triangle came to mind." "True", the husband responded. I'm confident that was the original destination. It would fit in every way with an alien abduction, You know, mysterious disappearances of people, planes, ships and such. Oddly, the same phenomena that makes it the ideal 'hiding place', also, ironically, must have also screwed up our captors telemetry. Next thing you know, we are not in the Bermuda Triangle but someplace much farther to the south in, I suppose, a Bahama's Triangle of sorts. I'm not sure where we were, exactly, because I simply went where I was told and did what I was told. Still it wasn't bad. I remember the food being good and the weather warm."

When asked why his captors would have gone to the trouble of abducting and then returning them again so soon? his response was; "As near as I could understand, once their original plan of the Bermuda Triangle failed, they had no choice but to select an alternate, but similar destination to conduct their ransom plans, The trouble was that they picked too nice of a place. After feeding us for a few days they decided that I, at least, ate too much and was beginning to deplete their food reserves. They ended up tailing a cruise ship for a few days and tried to dump us off onto them, hearing that there was usually plenty of food. But cruise ship security was too much for them. After about a week, they simply decided that it wasn't worth it anymore. We somehow ended up in Florida for a while before catching a flight back home."

Interstellar Communication Antennae

When asked if they were ever in fear for their lives or safety, they responded. "Not really, we ended up in the Bahama's, the West Indies, Dominican Republic and some other place I'm not even sure where it was. I got a bit of a tan out of the deal. I did notice one very odd thing. They must have known what they were up to when at least one of the locations. I was able to get a photo of what I presumed to be one of their interstellar communication antennae arrays." (See the pic)

The couple have now been back in Rockaway Beach for over a month now and seem to suffering no lasting ill effects from their traumatic experience. They do seem more pre-occupied with searching destination similar to the ones they remember while missing. One would think that it would be to piece together the two week experience. Others have suggested that they simply had more fun while being abducted that they did back at home and work.

But who knows, I guess if the turn up missing again, at least we'll have an idea of where to look!


NEXT MONTH...….. The Ghost of Al Capone is headlining "The Rockaway Beach Inquirer"

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Reach Custody Agreement After Weekend in Rockaway Beach

National media reported today that Brad and Angelina have reached a custody agreement on their six children.  What the main stream media is not reporting is that the agreement was reached after the two spent a weekend together in Rockaway Beach

Locals reluctantly talked to this Rockaway Beach Inquirer reporter about the couple.  “Brad arrived in an old Jeep, While Angelina drove up in a Prius.”  They arrived at 1:00 am on Friday.  After checking in, I didn’t see them again until Sunday.

When asked how they thought the agreement was arrived at, our informant immediately replied, “It was out on a pontoon boat Saturday morning.  I knew there was something about the couple who headed out on the boat to fish.  Beside a couple of rods, they both had a lawyer with them.”  

Another observer poked them at this point, and huffed, “Men! You didn’t even know who they were until I pointed them out on the front of the Tabloid at the Country Mart!”

I was shown the customer response card they left in the cabin.  “It says right here how much they enjoyed their stay.  And, they really appreciated the solitude on Lake Taneycomo.  Brad wrote, “I don’t think I could have found any better place to beat this agreement into shape!  They also wrote on the card, ‘Don’t show this to anyone.’  Whoop, I guess I wasn’t supposed to say that!”

Because of the solitude found in the historic resort village of Rockaway Beach, this historic agreement was reached.  With this behind us, we can get back to Nessie and Aliens.

On a side note. This event occurred in a very close proximity as the Mysterious Black Limousine fiasco. Certain members of the community have speculated that the "Wedding" was nothing more than a distraction set up to conceal the actual occupants which were Brad and Angelina. However, family members of the bride and groom are adamant that the limo was part of their wedding party. Besides, if there were anything to the Pitt/Jolie story connecting them to the Limo, it would have made more sense that it was the Lawyers who arrived in the Limo!  Still, all of that is nothing more than conjecture and cannot be corroborated in any way.

copyright: Willis Montgomery (your Action Reporter on the Streets of Rockaway Beach)

Willis Montgomery

Eerie Green Lights Observed in Lake Taneycomo

November and December always ushers in the colorful lights of Christmas Island and lights around various businesses and homes of Rockaway Beach. This year however, coming in under the radar has been something different. While residents of the community have been enjoying the lights, Free coffee, hot chocolate and cookies on Christmas Island, there have been random sightings of another kind beneath the water of Lake Taneycomo! While they've been nothing more than a rumor at this point, There has been one photo that has surfaced giving at least a small amount of credibility to the story!

The eerie and sinister looking green glow has been appearing at random locations but seems to be mostly concentrated in the area of the docks near the public boat ramp. Some claim that Lake Taneycomo has always "glowed in the dark", but this cannot be substantiated. The areas affected are immediately downstream from the mouth of Bull Creek which carries it's own array of mystery and intrigue! (See stories related to Nessie Sightings and Alien Activity)

We've contacted Wild Willie to get  his expert opinions on the subject. He and his "Investigative Team" (Stupid Jeffrey) quietly slipped into town recently to check this story out for themselves and have submitted their findings on the Mysterious Green Lights! You can explore the "Green Light phenomenon for yourself. Since most of the sightings have been in the harbor area of the boat ramp, simply walk out and visit the Christmas Island at any time after dark. Walk to the leading point of the Island in the upstream direction and watch for lights in the water.

Mysterious Green Lights

Were invented right here

in SW Missouri! 

Rockaway Beach has always been known for it's interesting and intriguing history. This legacy did not end with Riots, Al Capone and Celebrity Guests. The Legends Live On and we intend to bring them into the light of day and expose strange and bizarre mysteries surrounding this community.

If you have knowledge of unexplained activity, let us know immediately and we will unleash our growing army of investigative reporters to discover the truth!

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Bigfoot Awareness Month

Bigfoot Sightings Imminent as Winter Approaches

Photos, Videos and Interviews with Local Bigfoot Field Expert, Patsquatch Byrne and our local guide to outdoor adventure, Wild Willie.

The annual SW Missouri and Ozark Mountain Migration has begun!

Patsquatch Byrne

Local Bigfoot Field Expert

"I've Seen 'em"

No sooner had Thanksgiving arrived than, just like clockwork, the first indication of Sasquatch activity began to surface in this corner of the Ozarks. In preparation of this annual phenomenon, our reporters were conducting interviews with local experts on the subject.

Pat "Patsquatch" Byrne has extensive experience in dealing with the large hairy beasts. Claiming to actually lived with a colony of them for a period of time one winter when he was very young, he has never quite been the same according to friends and family. Patsquatch has astounding stories of their social behavior and secretive lives which are so closely intertwined with that of humans. According to Legend, there is a modest migration of sorts that occurs in the Ozarks, specifically in South West Missouri every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas. This migration begins in the areas of the national forests and even as far as Anderson MO to the west and ends in the Bull Creek area near Rockaway Beach where they are presumed to winter.

We know that at least part of this story is true because of a mysterious "pelting of rocks" that occurred during the interview with Patsquatch. When asked of his time with the "Squatches" he replied; "I learned so much during my winter with the squatch. I discovered who this magical and mystical creature truly is." He went on to say that" "If you are ever able to spend much time in their presence, you will find that they are closely interactive with unicorns. I've even seen them riding unicorns from time to time. Although I've been close enough to pet a unicorn, I've personally never been able to ride one." When questioned further, He revealed more about their behavior. "They are not typically very vocal but do occasionally express themselves verbally. They communicate primarily through gestures and expressions and are very playful. They enjoy banging sticks together, pushing trees and throwing things such as rocks, sticks and, what seems to be a favorite, Hedgeapples."

As if on cue, the moment Patsquatch mentioned this behavior, the interview was cut short by a fury of rocks landing all around that seemingly appeared from the edge of the woods. SEE THE ACTUAL INTERVIEW HERE! Sure enough, if you were quick enough to look, there was the tell-tale rustling of leaves resembling a slight breeze from the direction of the onslaught. As all experts know, the rustling of leaves is the most authentic of bigfoot evidence. He went on to say that "The assault may have been related to their irritation of me revealing that they will tend to ride unicorns through the forest in attempt to conceal their footprints."

Wild Willie

Local Guide to

Outdoor Adventure

"I've Tracked 'em"

We corroborated Pats story with local guide to outdoor adventure, Wild Willie, who lives near the bigfoot summer habitat. Wild Willie confirmed the migration tendencies however had a bit of a different theory on the origins of Sasquatch. You can see his account in the following recorded video... Wild Willie's Sasquatch Video.

Wild Willie also confirmed that sometime near Halloween, they notice a sudden absence of bigfoot sign in and around the Anderson area which would indicate that the annual migration had begun. This also coincides with the hedgeapple incident in the Branson West area, home of "Patsquatch Byrne". By all estimates, the Bigfoot sightings will soon begin to increase in and around the Bull Creek region and Rockaway Beach! In fact, they are likely already here. If you see sticks, rock or especially hedgeapples lying about where they shouldn't be, it is a sure sign of the presence of Bigfoot!

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A Few Previous Stories...….
Ancient Alien Skull Found near Bull Creek
Mysterious Black Limo Seen in Town
Local Yorkie Saves Citizens from Mountain Lions