The Ghost of Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Rampages in Rockaway Beach

Mrs. Catherine O'Leary's Ghost Cow

The term "Rampage" may not actually be the best term for use in this story, but as it relates to cows in general, "rampage" does kind of fit. As ghosts are concerned, you have to have elevated yourself to some very special infamous behavior to receive a ghost distinction as a cow! Few cows in history have managed to do so, but one has far surpassed all criteria necessary for it's Ghost status. Such is the case of Mrs. Catherine O'Leary's cow, famous for burning down most of Chicago in October of 1871. According to history, over 2,100 acres of Chicago burned destroying over 17,000 buildings. This is an impressive tale of destruction for anyone but especially impressive for a cow! In every case since the 1871 Chicago fire, any fire of suspicious nature has the potential connection to Mrs. O'Leary's cow. At least, this is the official position of the CPBA (Commission on Paranormal Bovine Activity) According to the CPBA, fires that have no reasonable explanation, or cannot be linked to a specific cause, become candidates for the designation of "O'Leary Cow Phenomenon".

Wild Willie

Ghost Cow Video

According to the CPBA report (which is highly confidential and not available to the general public) one, or possibly more structure fires in Rockaway Beach have been potentially linked to the Ghost Cow from Chicago. Why a cow would even be interested in Rockaway Beach is questionable. The only explanation the CPBA could offer was the history and propensity of the community to engage in the odd riot from time to time. They believe the cow had caught wind of the burning of either a police vehicle or part of a building back in the sixties (or perhaps the fifties) that the authenticity of which could not be verified. It seemed to stand to reason that this mysterious story of alleged riots and fires could easily be enough to motivate the ghost of a pyromaniac cow to travel to Rockaway Beach to establish some precedence where none seemed to currently exist. Wild Willie and his side kick  went out to see if they could locate the cow. You can watch a video of his account of it.

Alleged Ghost Cow Fire Site

The fires in question occurred over the past five years on Garden Ave and another on Highland. While investigations have determined no definitive cause for the fires, the CPBA has certified both incidents as official "O'Leary Cow Phenomenon" sites. This distinction alone carries with it certain historical significance. Within days of the designation, the sites were targeted by the local Society for the Preservation of Virtually Everything, Important or Not. (SPVEIN for short) They have vowed to get the sites registered with the National Registry of Historic Paranormal Locations and Events (NRHPLE) By linking the Chicago fire of 1871 to the Rockaway Fire of 2014, they believe that a Historic Ghost tour is plausible. This would no doubt bring Ghost Cow enthusiasts to the community to view what the aftermath of the 1871 Chicago fire may have looked like when mad cows get involved. The SPVEIN is dedicated to the preservation of these important landmarks and has vowed to keep them intact for future generations to enjoy.

As far as the Ghost Cow herself is concerned, nothing more has been seen of her, at least to anyone's knowledge. However it would not hurt to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity concerning anything that resembles a cow or that moo's.

Adbuction (and Return) reported in Rockaway Beach

With all of the activity being reported around town concerning "Ancient Alien Skulls", "Eerie Green Lights" glowing under the lake water and such, it was inevitable that sooner or later there would be reports of mysterious abductions. Our staff of top notch reporters have been investigating one such case that occurred during November of this year. Evidently what happened is a local couple, business owners in Rockaway Beach, mysteriously went missing early in the month. It was a few days before their absence was detected. But then, just as suddenly as they disappeared, they reappeared looking none the worse for wear, but oddly calm and relaxed.

Upon interviewing the two, they relayed a fascinating story of travel to far away and exotic locations. "It began with a ride in a flying vehicle of some kind. We really didn't see the outside of it, only the inside. They ride was not necessarily uncomfortable but I wouldn't want to repeat it any time soon." the business owner said (who wished to remain anonymous) His wife went on to say that "We seemed to be heading in a mostly east but somewhat south direction" She went on to add that "Thoughts of the Bermuda Triangle came to mind." "True", the husband responded. I'm confident that was the original destination. It would fit in every way with an alien abduction, You know, mysterious disappearances of people, planes, ships and such. Oddly, the same phenomena that makes it the ideal 'hiding place', also, ironically, must have also screwed up our captors telemetry. Next thing you know, we are not in the Bermuda Triangle but someplace much farther to the south in, I suppose, a Bahama's Triangle of sorts. I'm not sure where we were, exactly, because I simply went where I was told and did what I was told. Still it wasn't bad. I remember the food being good and the weather warm."

When asked why his captors would have gone to the trouble of abducting and then returning them again so soon? his response was; "As near as I could understand, once their original plan of the Bermuda Triangle failed, they had no choice but to select an alternate, but similar destination to conduct their ransom plans, The trouble was that they picked too nice of a place. After feeding us for a few days they decided that I, at least, ate too much and was beginning to deplete their food reserves. They ended up tailing a cruise ship for a few days and tried to dump us off onto them, hearing that there was usually plenty of food. But cruise ship security was too much for them. After about a week, they simply decided that it wasn't worth it anymore. We somehow ended up in Florida for a while before catching a flight back home."

Interstellar Communication Antennae

When asked if they were ever in fear for their lives or safety, they responded. "Not really, we ended up in the Bahama's, the West Indies, Dominican Republic and some other place I'm not even sure where it was. I got a bit of a tan out of the deal. I did notice one very odd thing. They must have known what they were up to when at least one of the locations. I was able to get a photo of what I presumed to be one of their interstellar communication antennae arrays." (See the pic)

The couple have now been back in Rockaway Beach for over a month now and seem to suffering no lasting ill effects from their traumatic experience. They do seem more pre-occupied with searching destination similar to the ones they remember while missing. One would think that it would be to piece together the two week experience. Others have suggested that they simply had more fun while being abducted that they did back at home and work.

But who knows, I guess if the turn up missing again, at least we'll have an idea of where to look!


NEXT MONTH...….. The Ghost of Al Capone is headlining "The Rockaway Beach Inquirer"

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Reach Custody Agreement After Weekend in Rockaway Beach

National media reported today that Brad and Angelina have reached a custody agreement on their six children.  What the main stream media is not reporting is that the agreement was reached after the two spent a weekend together in Rockaway Beach

Locals reluctantly talked to this Rockaway Beach Inquirer reporter about the couple.  “Brad arrived in an old Jeep, While Angelina drove up in a Prius.”  They arrived at 1:00 am on Friday.  After checking in, I didn’t see them again until Sunday.

When asked how they thought the agreement was arrived at, our informant immediately replied, “It was out on a pontoon boat Saturday morning.  I knew there was something about the couple who headed out on the boat to fish.  Beside a couple of rods, they both had a lawyer with them.”  

Another observer poked them at this point, and huffed, “Men! You didn’t even know who they were until I pointed them out on the front of the Tabloid at the Country Mart!”

I was shown the customer response card they left in the cabin.  “It says right here how much they enjoyed their stay.  And, they really appreciated the solitude on Lake Taneycomo.  Brad wrote, “I don’t think I could have found any better place to beat this agreement into shape!  They also wrote on the card, ‘Don’t show this to anyone.’  Whoop, I guess I wasn’t supposed to say that!”

Because of the solitude found in the historic resort village of Rockaway Beach, this historic agreement was reached.  With this behind us, we can get back to Nessie and Aliens.

On a side note. This event occurred in a very close proximity as the Mysterious Black Limousine fiasco. Certain members of the community have speculated that the "Wedding" was nothing more than a distraction set up to conceal the actual occupants which were Brad and Angelina. However, family members of the bride and groom are adamant that the limo was part of their wedding party. Besides, if there were anything to the Pitt/Jolie story connecting them to the Limo, it would have made more sense that it was the Lawyers who arrived in the Limo!  Still, all of that is nothing more than conjecture and cannot be corroborated in any way.

copyright: Willis Montgomery (your Action Reporter on the Streets of Rockaway Beach)

Willis Montgomery